Vienna, day one: the Great Austrian Lunch-Off

Vienna, Austria (Wien, Österreich)

Honestly, before visiting Vienna I would often become confused and believe the city to be in Switzerland. I'm not sure why I had this misconception, but since my time there I will never again mistake this splendiferous Austrian city for a Swiss one. 

Our camping spot in the neighbouring town of Klosterneuberg was popular with dog owners, and while cooking our dinner we were besnuffled by a dejected Jack Russell who did not want to return to his master when called for. I was worried that 'Benny' would attempt to eat our meatballs as the camping stove was at mouth height for him, but instead he sat near us and let us pat him. Washing the dishes, we were greeted by a German cyclist who recommended Bratislava and found the question "What brings you to Vienna?" hilarious. He replied laughingly with "the car" and repeated the phrase to himself several times. Germans seem to be very literal creatures. 

Though we were required to catch both a bus and a metro to be delivered in the heart of Vienna, the public transport was incredibly easy to use. With a day pass we could take the metro to a stop right next to the cathedral, which wasn't particularly memorable apart from the bright tiles on the roof and the dimly lit interior. 

Nearby was a mechanical clock attraction that I was dubious about after the disappointing astronomical clock in Prague. However, this clock took things to a new low when it waited until almost ten minutes past the hour to do anything, and then played a series of not particularly tuneful songs on the organ. At the end of each segment we were sure that another one could not start up, but it did, leading us to become increasingly more incredulous and bored. We had been told that figures moved around to accompany the music, but this did not occur - even several minutes after the music finally (finally!) stopped. Clock was shit, all in all. It looks nice, but the music and figures are awful. (We later came to the conclusion that the clock was broken as the figures hadn't moved at all throughout the day, when they are supposed to move around a bit every hour.)

The one thing that made the clock fiasco bearable was a camera crew that had set up next to the clock and were filming for some odd Austrian reality show. From what I could gather, a team of two were tasked with bringing a basket of food into a restaurant, but the food was rejected and they had to return it to the boot of their car, whereupon they started to drive off but then reversed back to the starting position. They then talked into a dashboard-mounted camera for some time while crew members texted, adjusted their gear, dramatically talked into walkie talkies or shushed people while smoking. The whole scene was quite bizarre. 

Just down the road lay the oldest church in Vienna. The prettily ivied Ruprechtskirche was built in around 1137 and had a kind of religiousy minimalist interior, which I appreciate in contrast to the super spangly opulence of many churches. 

After that taste of small town Vienna, we came upon some brilliantly grandiose buildings, as the city is known for. Many featured Atlas-type strongmen holding up parts of balcony. 

Off the square Michaelerplatz is the Hofburg Palace, which is a baroque masterpiece with beautiful domes and detailed statues. The whole Museums Quarter is filled with such buildings - huge, symmetrical and richly decorated. 

From the outside we could get a different view of the domes - with a regal eagle in mid-flap no less!

A fountain on the exterior reminded me of a smaller scale Trevi Fountain, complete with semi-aquatic men and lizards. 

But what I enjoyed most of the palace were the multitudes of depictions of Heracles. This one shows him valiantly strangling the three-headed Cerberus with one arm behind his back. What a guy. 

Our first day in the city taught us that Austrian cuisine was a safe bet, while bordering Italian fare could be hit-or-miss. A deliciously salty and warm bretzel was had at the wooden and old-timey pub Brezl Gwölb, but that was followed by a mediocre gelato (the pistachio flavour tasted like almond essence) at Zanoni-Zanoni, finished with a wonderful evening at Pizzeria-Osteria da Giovanni (the waiters were Italian and I got to say "grazie mille" for the first time in ages). 

Our day came to a close after a drizzly walk back to the metro. The fact that we were in Austria began to sink in. We had left the Czech Republic, which I took a strong liking to, and were in a country that borders Italy. I had a sudden desire to skip on over to Venice and have some proper gelato, but aside from that I was content seeing someplace new with a distinctly Austrian feel. The brightly painted facades in pink and green from the Czech Republic were gone, replaced with grand white and cream Viennese titans. It felt like a country that had a wealthy past as well as present, whereas many Czech places felt as though they had lost those riches and were crumbling into decrepitude. (This includes Prague, but only on a small scale - plaster falling off buildings was common, whereas abandoned abodes was not.)

Bonus content: 

Znojmo, Czech Republic

On our way to Vienna, we took a brief picnic detour to the town of Znojmo. It's a popular destination for Austrians as it's halfway between Vienna and Prague (potentially for all the casinos and brothels we saw advertised on the outskirts of town). The park was green and shady, and walking through the town was like stepping onto a film set after the wrap-up party. The quiet streets were only disturbed by a couple of enthusiastic girls who had found a piano on the footpath and played all the songs they knew, namely 'Discordant Flailing in E Minor'. It was a perfectly nice town, but not one I'd go out of my way to see. Instead of this being my last sight of the country, I prefer to look back on the capital, Olomouc, Cesky Krumlov and Loket.